My infected Soul

The Essence of My Psychosis

Chapter 1.  Infected

Author: Brian Troch

 

Innocent butterfly, I’m the secret that you hide Beautiful, like to be pleased

I infect you like a disease

 

I’m infected with you I’m infected with you

 

Sick as a worm, under your skin Taking over everything

Taking a taste Licking your lips Infecting your parts Dissecting to bits

 

I’m infected with you I’m infected with you

 

Life what is life

Tell me what are we here for

Well everybody tells me that we’re here for a reason Have you ever felt like everybody’s just out to get you And the whole entire stupid world totally hates you

If it weren't for a couple people standing behind me I’d be standing in a hole of a thousand dead bodies So before I look to anyone as resurrected

I have control Let’s get infected

 

I’m infected with you I’m infected with you

 

Violate, disintegrate Giving into what you hate

Innocent down on your knees I infect you like a disease

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2. The Last Time

Author: Brian Troch

 

How does it feel

Just to use me up and toss me aside Lies, upon lies, how could I not see Right through your superficial eyes

 

I feel so dead

Lifeless and flaccid in my head

 

How does it feel

Just to turn and twist it deep inside Say what you want me to hear Then I confess my fears

You’re not worth all the tears It’s all a lie

 

I feel so dead

Everything inside my walls will stay I know that you’ll run away

All of my pain and suffering

 

Close your eyes you’ll see (Open up again)

What you’ll see is me (Coming down on you) Set my anger free Total disarray

You will taste my misery

And all my pain and suffering

 

Why did you find me

Just to go away and leave me here to die Tear my whole world apart,

I should have seen it coming from the start I’m permanently scarred

 

I feel so dead

Lifeless and flaccid in my head I know you’ll runaway

I never want to feel again

 

It’s not my fault

It’s not my fault

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Chapter 3. PAINT IT BLACK

                                             Rolling stones cover

I see a red door and I want it painted black.

No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.

 

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black.

With flowers and my love both never to come back.

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away.

Like a newborn baby, it just happens every day.

 

 

I look inside myself and see my heart is black.

I see my red door and must have it painted black.

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts

It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4.   Eggshells and Bunny Heads/Born of Two Fathers

Author: Brian Troch

 

Once I thought that I had half a chance to step into the light And then I threw my empty glass into the fire

As I submerge myself into a lonely Meyer I see it’s just the failure called my life

It’s hard for me to shine through all this hate that's mine The only thing that I have left is buried in the garden Deep underground with all the lies

And as I gaze upon the empty shells

After all the promises you just turn and walk away I feel so over wrought

 

You brought that side out of me The side I tried to bury

That scary side that was always meant for me to tarry The constant battle for my immortal soul is tearing The very fabric of my existence shattered weakened

 

Dying on my inside Running for my life

On the outside you see everything’s alright As my facade starts to crumble with delight

Heaven help me when my fathers start to fight

 

Because I throw all of my decency aside

I’m just one more lowlife because I’m born of two fathers And they’re fighting for my hide

just kill me one more time Before I …

 

I let that side out of me the consequences vary My situation is every changing advisories

You stir that shit-pot and I become the consigliere Of the antiestablishment and dysentery

Frying on my outside pleading for my life Crying on my inside

Through my crystal sight

As I feel I start to tremble with delight

Heaven help me when my fathers start to fight

 

Because I throw all of my decency aside I’m just one more lowlife

Because I’m born of two fathers and they’re fighting for my hide just kill me one more time

Implore I …

 

I can smell the rotten carcasses deep in the garden Can you feel the evil seeping from them I’m surrounded You take it all, You take my heart and soul

You take my heart and soul!

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5. Happiness Is......

Author: Brian Troch

 

It’s dark inside

Like all the broken pieces of all my scattered lives Then you came and saved my broken heart

And then you smile and wrap your arms around me As we embrace we fall right to the floor

 

If I could only make this moment last forever If I could feel your hand in mine

 

Happiness is the way you touch my face The way you look into my eyes adored

I will never want again I’m yours until the end

Please will you say to me once more I thought I’d never fall again

But , I fell beyond words

I long to hear you say I love you

 

 

I can never be afraid of happiness

I can never let the veil or cold disguise pierce the love inside Cuz every time I look into your eyes

I see your soul, it’s looking back into my darkest holes

 

You know you’re my one and only light

When I’m with you my feet don’t touch the floor ( feet don't touch the floor)

 

If I could only make this moment last forever If I could feel you for all time

 

Happiness is the way you pull me in I’m holding onto you so tight

I’m never letting go

I will never want again I’m yours until the end

Please will you say to me again I thought I’d never love again

I fell beyond words

I want to hear you say I want you

 

I will never be afraid of happiness

I will never let the veil of cold disguise pierce the love inside Cuz every time I look into your eyes

I see your soul, it’s looking back into my darkest holes

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6. Tied Up

Author: Brian Troch

 

You cure my appetite My senses go away You cure my every fear of every woman's hate

Torn up and mesmerized Gratify my brain

The only thing that makes me sane Is gonna rattle me in my cage

 

You take me high up

My dirty little dissertation You keep me tied up Master of my stimulation

 

Your scent it tastes so good Your animal I crave

I just need to tone my piston And embrace my inner way Lost cause broken off Burying my pent up rage What cost I gotta watch

It’s the only thing that kills my pain

 

You take me high up

My dirty little dissertation You keep me tied up Master of my stimulation

 

Love’s face is disgraced I’m blood laced

You’re two-faced

I sometimes at lights out I bind tie

I supply

I’m not finished with this

I’m not finished with this yet I’m not finished with this

I’m not finished with this shit I’m not finished with this

I’m not finished with this shit

 

You take me high up

My dirty little dissertation You keep me tied up Master of my stimulation

 

Love’s face is disgraced I’m blood laced

You’re two-faced

I sometimes at lights out I bind tie

I supply

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 7. Tribe Of None

Author: Brian Troch

 

You are my betrayer

You are the slayer of all things alive in me You try to play the devil’s advocate

But still you bring the devil out in me Why, why do I walk this earth

Is it because I’m paying for my sins?

 

Bleeding my eyes

And I can see just what’s inside of you Bleeding my mind

And I start to feel that everything’s taken from me

 

Let all the darkness in

I’ve seen just what you have been Thoughtless fornicating demise

 

Every time I see through my mind’s eye The cold separation is rotting my insides I can’t help the feeling

It’s making me want to die

 

You’re my instigator

You are the hater of all things that rise in me I’m the agitator whose in waiting

I am the bringer of the chaos that ensues Why, why does the darkness always fall Pushing all the light I have away

 

Bleeding my eyes

And I can see just what’s inside of you Bleeding my mind

And I start to feel that everything’s taken from me

 

Get out from inside of my head Get out from inside of my head Get out from inside of my head

I turn and still there’s no one there

 

Tribe of none barely alive

Tribe of none is on the verge of suicide Every time I see through my mind’s eye Cold separation is rotting my inside

I can’t help the feeling

It’s making me want to die I’m wanting to die

I’m wanting to die I’m wanting to die

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8.  Cellar Pet

Author: Brian Troch

 

Locked in never hear the wind blow Locked in never see the sun glow Sealed tight for ever this is my life Sealed tight forever this is my life

 

I will tear the sockets from my dying eyes The many hats I wear all tell the signs

I’m alone, no mirrors to see my true reflection And I don't remember who I am

 

Save me

I’ve fallen deep in the well I’ve fallen I fight for my life

 

Locked in never see the sun glow Locked in never see the sun down Sealed tight forever this is my life Sealed tight forever this is my life

 

I wish I could take the death away The many hats I wish I’d never played

 

I’m alone, the master of forcing all rejection I deserve exactly what I am

I deserve exactly who I am

 

Save me

Save me from myself

I’ve been violated can’t you tell Hate me

I can’t face myself Love me

I’m so ugly Leave me alone

 

Madness in the air

White eyed and frighted there

Even now the moonlight feeds on me

The effervescent coldness in the air makes it hard to breathe The undulating feeling in your guts

Whenever he appears

My momentous apparatus stained with status clouds my stratosphere That very moment that you realize there’s nothing left to fear

I feel my way right through the blackness with whatever I can hear And at a moments notice you approach I smell the stench you’re near I know my fading hope and my fears die

 

My blood runs down

Drown in my own sorrow i parade all my pride Sharp blade deep inside

Oh how will I survive

Now that I can believe again Out to get right, my fucking life

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9. Posterize

Author: Brian Troch

 

I just want to have you feel What you seeded deep in me Every time I think about it

I can hardly breathe

You just fill my thoughts up With such violent fantasies As you’re on your knees

Can I go Neagan on you please

 

I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel you take another part of me

 

Watching you crumble as you justify your means Falling right back into all your false religious scenes You just make my stomach heave up all that i believe

I just want to see you eat that bullet that was meant for me

 

I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel it take another part of me

 

Tell me how you can just sit and posterize

While everyone you claim to love is waiting there to die

Well you’re sitting on your mass, and you’re sucking on that glass And you’re taking all that mother fucking dick inside your ass Well its high time that you face these lies

Your claims will never fly Its time for you to die

Your fucking trick ass will never make it out alive

 

Claim to walk in Christ Every day you live is all a lie

Taking everything and everyone you bastardize

You just make my skin crawl and my flesh feels like it’s gonna tear I just want to see you feel my helplessness, I want to share

 

I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel it take another piece of me I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel it take another part of me I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel it take another piece of me I can feel it taking over everything

I can feel it take another part of me I can feel it taking over everything

 

 

 

Chapter 10.  Lost

Author: Brian Troch

 

As I lay awake

My thoughts are so far away As I contemplate my fate

I lay my head down

Hopefully for the very last time I’m lost

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10.    The Final Song (Watch The World Burn)

Author: Brian Troch

 

Hey, whatcha doing over there Hey, why don’t go the fuck away

Say, say all the things you want to me Tomorrow you will pay your sacrifice

 

We are walking in denial

(As we watch the world go by) Watch it set on fire

We watch the world die

 

Hey, another dark cloud comes our way Hey, let’s fuck and dance our lives away Hey, it’s like your cancer has no taste Tomorrow you will pay your sacrifice

 

No one will be left alive

See how you’re fucking all these lives

When are you going to fix you’re broken minds

 

We are dead men walking miles (As we watch the world go by) Watch it set on fire

We watch the world die We watch the world die We watch the world die

I’ll be standing down laughing As I’m watching the world burn

 

See you pouring out on everyone Hear you glorified

As the one

Brilliant glow, bright as the sun Then you realize they’ve won

 

I’ll save all of my psychosis and neurosis in my mind , and your eyes Some other part of me is longing to get out before it dies

I’ll save all my impulse all my guilty thoughts I had to hide I breathe on my own my heart is heavy

I breathe in all that is whole for the last time

 

So many open holes

And so many of them filled with clay

What they want is more than they can take So much more than they can pay

We found the way but still we ignore Watch them fade away

As we kill each other everyday

 

We are walking in denial As I watch the world go by Watch it set on fire

We watch the world die, we watch the world die

I’ll be consecrating laughing as I watch the world burn , I’ll watch it burn

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11.  Tribe of Done

Author: Brian Troch

 

I hope you all gained some insights forgiving It might tell you what I’m thinking

I’m out to rescind my fetal misgivings I just have to say goodbye

I’ll say goodbye

I’ll leave it all behind I’ll say goodbye

I’ll leave it all behind I’ll say goodbye

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